Preggo stories

Well since I haven’t had a baby I don’t have any funny preggo stories of my own, but I do have several stories of my friends. So I’ll share two that I was a part of.

My really good friend was pregnant with her first baby. Her husband worked long hours and traveled for work often. We hung out quite a bit. I am fascinated with the whole pregnance thing, I think it’s because I’ll never be pregnant that maes me just so curious about the whole process. Believe me when I tell you that I have done so much research starting with my best friend back in 02 that there are times I feel like I know more then my friends who have gone through pregnancy! We’ll be talking and they’ll stop to tell me that they will explain anything I don’t understand and then I end up teaching them about water births, or why you shouldn’t eat nuts while pregnant or what edema is and so forth. Call me weird, but I digress. So my friend calls me in major sobbing crocodile type tears. She’s gasping and doing that lovely snot-sucking ugly cry. I try to calm her down and find out what’s wrong, though in my head I’ve already run thru about 50 possible situations many including horrifying car accidents, death of a parent, straying husband, lost job, sick parent and the list could just have kept going. It was that scary kind of cry. So we breathe together on the phone “in 2, 3, 4, and out 2, 3, 4, remember in through the nose and out through the mouth, slower, slower, you’re ok, 2, 3, 4……” I’m putting on my shoes quietly just in case I need to make the mad dash to a hospital or jailhouse (in the event of a slimy husband being found out which had resulted in my friend accidentally doing him in, told you very active imagination). Finally she is in the right position and can talk.
“So hun tell me what’s wrong? Is the baby ok”
“Yea he’s fine. It’s just that….” (tears start welling up again)
“It’s ok, deep breath.”
“I had a good day until about an hour ago when I got stopped by a complete stranger to tell me that I was wearing two different shoes!”
“That’s it? Everything else is fine?”
“That’s it????!!!!!???? That means all day I’ve been walking around and no one told me at work, the people I know and talk to everyday that I was walking around with two different shoes on!”
“Well maybe it was darker in the office and they just didn’t notice? What was it one black and one brown? You have lots of shoes that are very similar; it’s possible no one noticed.”
Looooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg silence.
“It was one brown and one cream! I can’t see my feet and we have no mirrors that reach the floor so I couldn’t see my mistake!” (Tears resume at a heavy rate)
“Oh hunny, that’s ok. Think of the great (little bit of giggling) story you’ll be (much more noticeable laughing) able to tell everyone (full out laughing).
Needless to say she did finally see the humorous side of the situation. Hahaha!

My second story involves my best friend from CA. She was pregnant with her first baby too and we were hanging out at her house watching a movie. She lived in the country and had a cat that was the result of backyard sibling breeding on the farm. So bless his little heart, Oreo was slightly slow if you know what I mean. Well since we found him the day before her wedding at only a couple days old and the momma didn’t want to have a thing to do with the baby we bottle fed the little sweetie. I say we because I was not working at the time and she would drop him off on her way to work and pick him back up and her way home. Kitty daycare! So through this bonding time we had with him we created this intense lover type kitty that had to be in your lap to be truly happy. So it was very normal for my friend to sit down on the couch and Oreo to hop up into her lap for down time at night watching TV. Well as her belly grew he had to adapt to the changing environment in order to get in his lap time. Soon the lap was gone and he began to drape himself over her round belly, in a vertical fashion with his head by her chest and his feet stretched down towards her legs. Well as many of you who have been pregnant know babies down really like heat applied to their little apartment. So this cat laying right down the middle of the belly was creating a tone of heat. The little baby would show his disdain and at the situation by kicking and pushing. The cat would in turn sigh and adjust his position. This often took place over the course of 30 minutes or so until the cat ended up curled in a small ball on her chest so she couldn’t see without leaning to one side or the other and she was sore from the battle that took place in her belly. Then it would never fail just as soon as everyone was settled and happy, she had to pee!