Thursday, July 3, 2008

Let the games begin

Well after 1 week of excruicnating pain in my lower back and hips, not being able to walk without tears, no relief when sitting or laying down, an ER trip, pain pills and muscle relaxers, 2 trips to the chiropractors, and DR ordered bed rest - I'm still in major pain. However, we have been able to diagnosis the cause, which is both good and very bad. Apparently 11.5 weeks is how long I need to be off my medications for all the crazy pain of my psoriatic arthritis to come back full force.

As some of you know I suffer from a very sever case of psoriasis that I have been treating with the wonder drug Enbrel, seriously I would marry this drug if it were possible because the last 2 years on it were the first times since I was 16 that psoriasis hasn't ruled my life. Now one of the awful things associated with psoriasis is the development of psoriatic arthritis, which is very much like rheumatoid arthritis. I have had P.A. in my hands and feet for years but my wonder drug took the pain away and my joints were no longer swollen so I felt completely normal and I was able to do almost anything without a constant reminder I was sick. Well when I came off my meds so suddenly because we very unexpectedly found out I was pregnant I have suffered a huge flare up of the psoriasis and now the arthritis. I had no idea that a body could be in so much pain. I haven't had relief in over a week no matter what I do except by taking the pain killers because they knock me out and whether I feel the pain or not I sleep. I'm feeling like I could have a nervous breakdown at any moment trying to deal with the prospect of 6 more months of this pain, not being able to move or take case of myself. I seriously don't think I'm strong enough to deal with this, it's only been a week and I'm ready to give up, which makes me feel like a horrible person cause I'm suppose to want to lay down my life for the baby (which is a miracle in and of itself) but I can't stop focusing on the pain long enough to get a grip on my situation.

I've dealt with sever back pain for years since my 2001 car accident left me with permanent nerve damage, but with that pain I could get myself all propped up into a position that gave me a reprieve and so far there is no relief from this constant throb and swollen joint. It takes me about 30 minutes to get out of bed get to the bathroom and back to bed because of the pain an my inability to walk. I have no idea what to do. I have responsibilities that I can't just let go ( I just found out that I'm supposed to be at the Stake baptism Saturday an apparently I'm conducting and giving sharing time on Sunday) I can't even imagine how we're going to survive if I'm off on disability for six months since you only get 62% of your pay and we are barely making it with all my pay. I'm mentally exhausted from all these trials lately and just praying it'll come to an end soon, but I'm struggling to keep my faith strong that it will ever end. I don't mean to be such a downer but this is my journal and I had to get these complaints out of my head before I went crazy.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have you had a Priesthood blessing? You are stronger than you think, and you have friends who will help in any way you let them. Lean on your sweet sweet husband, your friends and the Lord and you will get through this.
We love you, Barbara & Tony

keri said...

Oh Christine this just broke my heart to have to read this... life is just not fair! Please know you are in my prayers!! And if you need anything I am more than willing to help! I can't conduct or go to the stake baptism for you unfortunately but I would be willing to do sharing time for you if that would help! Just say the word! You take care and I really hope that you can find some relief soon. You are a wonderful person, and deserve so many blessings.

April said...

Christine, I know I'm not in primary presidency, but if you need help for
Saturday, I would love to be there for you, if that would work. Let me know and I will help out any way I can. You are an amazing person and the Lord knows it. I know it's hard to think about, but He (Heavenly Father) will not put anything on us He knows we will not be able to handle. Like Christ has said, It may not be easy, but it will be worth it. I am so sorry you are having so much pain. You will be in my prayers everyday.

Christine said...

Christine, I will be praying for you. I'm so sorry you are having so many problems. Let me know if you need any help in the Primary area. That I can help with. Just keep your hopes up, this is going to be so worth it.

Mom, wife, scrapaholic... said...

Definitely ask for a Priesthood Blessing!!!!!! It will help!!! I am so sorry that things are so hard right now! I hope things get better! I will pray for you!! You must has some pretty special baby in there with all this pain! If there is anything I can do let me know!

Anonymous said...

Christine - I'm so sorry to hear you are having a bad flare of PA. I have it as well. You might find that it may subside as you progress in your pregnanacy. Many people find that in the 2nd or 3rd trimester they get relief from the joint pain without drugs. We have a great online support group for PA at
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PsoriaticArthritis/
You should join us - everyone there understands the challenges of PA and there is great info about meds, etc. Several people have gone through pregnancies and had to stop their meds like you. They may have some tips to help.

warmest regards,
sherry z

Toni said...

I'm home and here for ya! Let me know if I can help in any way! i.e. dinners, company, sharing time, a shoulder to lean on, whatever. I'm so sorry you are experiencing so much pain. I know your strong and hopefully the Docs can figure out something to help you. Keeping ya in my prayers. Love ya.

Amie said...

OH MY HECK Christine, when will it ever end?! I would have given up long ago. You are so strong. I'm praying for you.