Let the games begin

Well after 1 week of excruicnating pain in my lower back and hips, not being able to walk without tears, no relief when sitting or laying down, an ER trip, pain pills and muscle relaxers, 2 trips to the chiropractors, and DR ordered bed rest - I'm still in major pain. However, we have been able to diagnosis the cause, which is both good and very bad. Apparently 11.5 weeks is how long I need to be off my medications for all the crazy pain of my psoriatic arthritis to come back full force.

As some of you know I suffer from a very sever case of psoriasis that I have been treating with the wonder drug Enbrel, seriously I would marry this drug if it were possible because the last 2 years on it were the first times since I was 16 that psoriasis hasn't ruled my life. Now one of the awful things associated with psoriasis is the development of psoriatic arthritis, which is very much like rheumatoid arthritis. I have had P.A. in my hands and feet for years but my wonder drug took the pain away and my joints were no longer swollen so I felt completely normal and I was able to do almost anything without a constant reminder I was sick. Well when I came off my meds so suddenly because we very unexpectedly found out I was pregnant I have suffered a huge flare up of the psoriasis and now the arthritis. I had no idea that a body could be in so much pain. I haven't had relief in over a week no matter what I do except by taking the pain killers because they knock me out and whether I feel the pain or not I sleep. I'm feeling like I could have a nervous breakdown at any moment trying to deal with the prospect of 6 more months of this pain, not being able to move or take case of myself. I seriously don't think I'm strong enough to deal with this, it's only been a week and I'm ready to give up, which makes me feel like a horrible person cause I'm suppose to want to lay down my life for the baby (which is a miracle in and of itself) but I can't stop focusing on the pain long enough to get a grip on my situation.

I've dealt with sever back pain for years since my 2001 car accident left me with permanent nerve damage, but with that pain I could get myself all propped up into a position that gave me a reprieve and so far there is no relief from this constant throb and swollen joint. It takes me about 30 minutes to get out of bed get to the bathroom and back to bed because of the pain an my inability to walk. I have no idea what to do. I have responsibilities that I can't just let go ( I just found out that I'm supposed to be at the Stake baptism Saturday an apparently I'm conducting and giving sharing time on Sunday) I can't even imagine how we're going to survive if I'm off on disability for six months since you only get 62% of your pay and we are barely making it with all my pay. I'm mentally exhausted from all these trials lately and just praying it'll come to an end soon, but I'm struggling to keep my faith strong that it will ever end. I don't mean to be such a downer but this is my journal and I had to get these complaints out of my head before I went crazy.