Because.....

the reason I found Twilight (thanks to my friend Jesika) was my unhealthy addiction to another young boy and his magical story and the fact that only 3 bars of the theme song turns me into a giddy little kid and because I cannot wait for the birth of my child so I can read these amazing stories to him or her...........I give you the only fictional man who owns my heart more then Edward Cullen......................Mr. Potter!

November 21st 2008

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Be there! (don't for get to turn off my music down below)

What happens when a 4 month pregnant chick who has been house bound for 3 & 1/2 weeks breaks free and goes to the grocery store?

She buys a bunch of stuff that wasn't on the list. I use to always crave salty starchy snacks but I now I have a wicked sweet tooth and am digging sour stuff. Weird!

tagged and an update

Well I saw the Dr on Tuesday and he thinks I can go back to work next Tuesday. I'm both ok and not ok with this development. The fact that I only have 1 week without pay instead of trying to find $1200 a month is a bit of a relief. However, I'm still in a good amount of pain (walking very slowly) and the nights are still very tough and I'm only getting about 3-4 hours of sleep total (not in a row) due to the pain. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it 8 hours a day 5 days a week for the next 5 months dealing with this pain and sleep deprivation. My sugars are very high also in relation to the pain and sleep deprivation and have me worried right now as well. And I must admit while terrified of the financial hardship I was enjoying the ability to nap when I needed and work through the pain at home where if I just needed to cry it was alright, and that isn't going to be the case at work. I really found myself a bit bitter about my working and full of envy for those who get the blessing of staying at home. I've been more vocal about it too which makes me feel guilty because DJ desires for me to stay at home but has never been in the position to make that possible. He's trying so hard to bring a little extra right now to help cover the extra medical costs by working nights for his father, so he works 12 hours (including his commute) then 8-10 hours at night to turn around and work another 12 hours. I worry about his health and safety when he does this pattern so often and all for $50 before taxes and gas. We had a couple of leads for possible new jobs for him but they seem to have gone away, or are on hold. So looks like things are back in a bit of limbo. I just really hope that I can adjust to work and that the pain will subside during the day hours so I can get through the next 5 months.

Ok I've been tagged by Julie and Teri so here are my 4 things.

4 Jobs I've had
1. Veterinary Assistant
2. Photo Lab Girl
3. Tax Fraud Investigative Analyst (IRS)
4. Legal Specialist for the City Prosecutor

4 movies I've watched more than once
1. Steel Magnolios
2. Madagascar
3. Lord of the Rings 1, 2 & 3
4. Princess Bride

4 Places I've lived
1. Vallejo, CA
2. Thousand Oaks, CA
3. La Mesa, CA
4. Fresno, CA

4 TV Shows I watch
1. The Office
2. CSI
3. Survivor
4. Good Eats

4 Places I've been
1. Mexico
2. Maui
3. Wyoming
4. Washington DC

4 People who email me regularly
1. Amie
2. Mom
3. City of Surprise
4. junk

4 favorite foods
1. Strawberies on Waffles
2. Pumpkin Pie
3. Crunchy beef tacos
4. Movie Theater popcorn

4 Places I'd love to visit
1. Alaska
2. London
3. New York
4. Ireland

4 Things I'm looking forward to next year
1. A healthy baby
2. Hopefully losing weight
3. Almost 30
4. ?


4 friends I'm tagging

Anyone who wants to play along =)

For Sale: 1965 Ford Mustang

Well the time has come to say good bye to DJ's mustang. This is the only thing he has had longer then me, lol. We have almost sold her a number of times and she was saved at the last minute, but this time with me facing 8 months of disability and a loss of 40% of our income we are looking for help anywhere we can find it. So the love affair of the Mustang has come to an end. She is actually a 1964 & 1/2, has a straight 6 and brand new leather seats. DJ rebuilt the engine in 1998 and she has mostly been in storage since then with only about 1 year of in town driving. She needs a new paint job and a new back deck for the speakers and new carpet, but other wise she's in nice condition. The car has been wired for A/C but there was never an A/C unit in the car. Ford will make one for the right price, but we never checked out that price.

We are asking $10,000, but are willing to negotiate that price. Contact us with any questions at fawkes_phoenix_red@yahoo.com

Photo tag

So I'm finally doing the phototag that my girl Amie tagged me with over a week ago. Why am I able to do this tag you ask? Simply because I have the best friends on the entire face of the planet. Amie and Toni showed up at my door on Tuesday night at 8:30 and asked if I wanted some company, which was a wonderful treat after 12 hours of being alone. I of course said yes but warned them that my place was a disaster as I opened my security door and it was then that I saw that they had brought cleaning supplies with them. I literally started crying right then and there. These amazing girls cleaned my entire house and I am so thankful for their service, friendship and love. Thank you again ladies =) I love you both bunches right back!
So here goes the photo tag - My kitchen sink.

My closet - hubby's side cause the door blocks my side - which is actually cleaner, lol.

The master toilet.

The lovely laundry room with all the crud that piles up there.

My favorite room - mainly because it's the only room that's almost done.

See my little chair rest station lol.

The fridge, which looks full but is actually empty. Crazy how that happens huh?

My favorite shoes that you'll never see me wear because they make me 6 foot 1 inch tall and my 5 foot 8 inch hubby has banned them from existence. Oh but they look so cute on with my black mermaid skirt.

And here's a photo of my kid kicking back on his/her vicodin high. The little peanut wouldn't sit still and was moving all over the place for Monday's ultrasound so the tech had to work really hard to get a good reading on the back of the baby's neck for the downs syndrome test, which after 15 minutes of trying looked totally normal, woo hoo. The heart rate was at a steady 158 and the little one is measuring 2 inches. I totally laughed every time the baby hopped around and DJ ended up getting really emotional. It was a great experience, can't wait to see the little one in person.

So we are trying prednesone for the arthritis and the vicodin is going to be around for a long time. I feel very strongly at next Tuesday's appointment my Doctor is going to pull me out of work for the rest of the pregnancy, which scares me but I'm ok with it as long as the baby is healthy. Thanks again for all the kind words and prayers, they have been a huge blessing and very appreciated. I'll keep you all posted as things develop. =)

Drugs

3am found us in the ER at Del Webb with me in enough pain I truly wanted to be knocked out. But it wasn't the pain that took us there it was the numbness in both of my feet, the swelling in my joints had stopped the blood flow to my lower legs. This ER doctor was so much better then the one on Monday, he actually talked to me about the arthritis and an action plan rather then tell me that I was overweight which is obviously the cause of all my problems. He took one look at me and my history and said right well we have to get you out of pain so we can remove the stress your baby is feeling right now and you can sleep. Oh sleep, that would be such a wonderful treat, I could have hugged him if I could have stood up. So I was introduced to the lovely world of morphine, which when mixed with 1000mg of vicodin makes for one very happy me. I, according to my husband, sounded drunk and became very honest with my feelings, lol. And when I got home I actually slept for 4 straight hours before any pain returned, and yes it was glorious. So now I have to try and see a rheumatologist this week and I have a new pain med regimen of 1000mg of vicodin every 6 hours during the day and a percocet before bed at night. Hopefully this will help me sleep and let me wake up with only moderate pain. Oh how thankful I am for the world of legal drugs!!!!!!!!!

The truth comes out

Both so sad and so eye opening at the same time. It's so very true that you really find out who your friends are when you are in need. I really want to thank those who have come to my aide and helped me this past week. The phone calls to check on my and the sweet comments on my blog, the meals and treats - I really felt loved and didn't feel so scared. It's amazing how limited you are when you can't drive or walk and you realize just how much you actually do on a daily basis when it doesn't get done. My sweet hubby has helped a ton but being gone at 9am and not getting home until 10pm he can only do so much (especially since most nights he is rudely awoken at around 2am by a crippled wife who needs to pee and is in so much pain she can't actually talk - the boy has learned sign language really fast).

And to those of you who so kindly implied in emails and conversation this is in my head and I'm milking the pregnancy pains and should just suck it up like the rest of the of them - I say thank you kindly but I no longer need your assistance. I assure you this is not in my head. 6-8 vicodin a day barely takes the edge off, my joints are visibly swollen and when a skin thermometer is placed on one of the affected areas it registers around 107 degrees. Just because you didn't know me prior to 2006 before I was taking my current medications and living in pain doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I'm going into see my perinatal specialist on Monday and hopefully they will have some answers on more reliable pain management. I am also getting some tests run for downs syndrome and they are going to do a bunch of blood tests to see what's going on with me and most likely he will determine how long I will be on bed rest. I'm a little nervous about the downs syndrome test because being diabetic my chances are increased, but I've been praying really hard for comfort and trying to not focus on things that are not in my control. (Wowser that's really hard for me the control freak, but I must say I've really embraced the lesson and am trying to get better at letting things go by handing them over to Heavenly Father.)

So there is just one more thing I want to express to those who may read this and judge quickly. Until you have walked in someones shoes you really have no idea what their lot is like. Be careful who you chose to judge based on your own experiences because you may just be given that person's trial someday and then you may really need them for help. And just because someone is usually a happy person and it's out of character for them to have a down day remember they are entitled to that down day without judgment or ridicule. We are commanded to help bare each others burdens and serve our fellow man, not tear them down and make them feel bad. I pray I have never kicked a person when they are down and I can certainly say that this experience will make me all the more aware of those who are struggling. One of my favorite quotes is "Everyman is just as happy as he has made up his mind to be." I can assure you I am still very happy about this baby and being pregnant, because I made up my mind a while ago that I was going to be happy. Thank you again to all of you wonderful friends who have helped me out, please know you are all in my every prayer.

Let the games begin

Well after 1 week of excruicnating pain in my lower back and hips, not being able to walk without tears, no relief when sitting or laying down, an ER trip, pain pills and muscle relaxers, 2 trips to the chiropractors, and DR ordered bed rest - I'm still in major pain. However, we have been able to diagnosis the cause, which is both good and very bad. Apparently 11.5 weeks is how long I need to be off my medications for all the crazy pain of my psoriatic arthritis to come back full force.

As some of you know I suffer from a very sever case of psoriasis that I have been treating with the wonder drug Enbrel, seriously I would marry this drug if it were possible because the last 2 years on it were the first times since I was 16 that psoriasis hasn't ruled my life. Now one of the awful things associated with psoriasis is the development of psoriatic arthritis, which is very much like rheumatoid arthritis. I have had P.A. in my hands and feet for years but my wonder drug took the pain away and my joints were no longer swollen so I felt completely normal and I was able to do almost anything without a constant reminder I was sick. Well when I came off my meds so suddenly because we very unexpectedly found out I was pregnant I have suffered a huge flare up of the psoriasis and now the arthritis. I had no idea that a body could be in so much pain. I haven't had relief in over a week no matter what I do except by taking the pain killers because they knock me out and whether I feel the pain or not I sleep. I'm feeling like I could have a nervous breakdown at any moment trying to deal with the prospect of 6 more months of this pain, not being able to move or take case of myself. I seriously don't think I'm strong enough to deal with this, it's only been a week and I'm ready to give up, which makes me feel like a horrible person cause I'm suppose to want to lay down my life for the baby (which is a miracle in and of itself) but I can't stop focusing on the pain long enough to get a grip on my situation.

I've dealt with sever back pain for years since my 2001 car accident left me with permanent nerve damage, but with that pain I could get myself all propped up into a position that gave me a reprieve and so far there is no relief from this constant throb and swollen joint. It takes me about 30 minutes to get out of bed get to the bathroom and back to bed because of the pain an my inability to walk. I have no idea what to do. I have responsibilities that I can't just let go ( I just found out that I'm supposed to be at the Stake baptism Saturday an apparently I'm conducting and giving sharing time on Sunday) I can't even imagine how we're going to survive if I'm off on disability for six months since you only get 62% of your pay and we are barely making it with all my pay. I'm mentally exhausted from all these trials lately and just praying it'll come to an end soon, but I'm struggling to keep my faith strong that it will ever end. I don't mean to be such a downer but this is my journal and I had to get these complaints out of my head before I went crazy.