The most traumatic day I had since I've become a parent

Let me start by saying thank you for the supportive comments from my previous post. And just to let you know that if you live in AZ you were not one of those mentioned in the (you know who you are) portion of the letter. And most likely if you're from CA and are reading this - you're not them either. That post was not meant to fish for compliments I promise. All I'm gonna say on the matter (because with writing the post I put the issue to bed, washed my hands of it and am at peace) is that prop 8 has angered many, and amongst that number are a few "friends" who no longer believe that I am their friend all because of my choice to be a Mormon. And when challenged or told I won't do something I am the type to take something to the extreme to make sure the challenge is met. So in the most public form I have I declared my feelings and said good bye to any regrets that I succumb to the world. Done.

On to my current trauma. So Friday I wake up and go to work and I'm thinking woo hoo it's Friday it's gonna be a good day - i'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready (spongebob lovers out there get that last part). About a quarter of the way through the day I get a call from my mom who proceeds to tell me that she can, as of next week, no longer watch Caden on Mondays and Wednesdays. So I email Amie to see if she can take him 5 days a week. She of course says Yes! oh and by the way my last official day of day care is August ## - all cause she's gonna become the best RN in the world and change peoples life and crap like that (shesh totally selfish of her having dreams and stuff - seriously though I'm so proud of her, you go get em girl.

So I'm stressing a bit by now. I knew Amie was shutting down the business this year but having an official date made it real and that meant I had to deal with it now. Well I had put in a call to a local day care center a few weeks back and I called to get the quote and set up the walk though and interview. Holy Toledo - $850 dollars a week to take Caden there. I about had a heart attack.

Then about 10 minutes later I end up reading the saddest child abuse case I have read to date. I see pictures of the most egregious acts of abuse and my mind goes into full forced panic mode. I could feel the tears welling up and I knew there was no stopping them. I just sat there at my desk crying - uncontrollably. I wanted to hold my baby so badly right then. I couldn't get to Amie's house fast enough after work. I swear I was no more than 2 feet from him the whole night. Now in my previous post I stated that I was not ashamed that I was a working mother - but that in no way means I like it. I would have quit right then and there if there was any way at all that I could. I even pulled up my budget spreadsheet and tried to tweak the numbers. Can't afford the $850 for the center, can't afford to stay home, can't bring him to work with me - well crap.

So should anyone know someone who does in home day care I would love the referral. I know I have a few months, but I'm a planner and I will freak out until I have a person lined up. I'm officially invoking that great promise of sisterhood here - with a pretty please and a cherry on top for good measure. I mean come on look at this face and tell me you don't want to snuggle and laugh with him all day long. Oh and he sleeps, never cries and his diapers smell of roses - just ask Amie =)